Giving Up Drinking Helped My Creativity Thrive
Some thoughts on living Alcohol Free 🫗💫
This piece was originally written in 2023 for Three Spirit, for which I’ve been a brand ambassador. With Sober October coming to a close, I thought it would be an excellent opportunity to share here. It has been revised and updated from its original version. You can check out the companion piece, What to Do After Sober October
I’ve been alcohol-free for three and a half years. After a decade of trying to moderate and cut back with little success, I reached the point where enough was enough. The TL;DR: Giving up drinking was the best decision I’ve ever made for myself and my creativity.
Since embarking on this lifestyle, my entire world has opened up. It’s no exaggeration to say that every area of my life has improved: my mental and physical health, my relationships, my spending habits, my career, and most impactfully, my overall clarity, joy, and outlook. I am more creatively fueled and driven than I’ve ever been.
In the hopes of helping de-stigmatize the AF lifestyle and informing others who might be sober-curious, I’ve been vocal about my experience across social platforms and have received an overwhelming amount of messages, questions, and inquiries. Below are some of the most common questions I receive and guidance for them. I’m no expert in anything outside of my own experience, but if any of the work I’ve done can be helpful for others looking to change their lifestyle, it would make me so happy!
The hardest part about quitting drinking? Making the decision.
Drinking was a massive part of my life and identity. I was that friend—the one who ordered a bottle for the table, the one with the wine club memberships and champagne taste. I loved the “glamour” of a martini at cocktail hour, the salty satisfaction of a sunset margarita, the carefree-ness of mimosas over brunch. Society, advertising, and my own upbringing had made me think that this is what being an adult was. Drinking equaled fun. Period.
I had also been misdirected my entire life to think that alcohol helped my creativity. Ernest Hemingway used to say, “Write drunk, edit sober.” Countless artists use drugs and alcohol to expand their minds and improve their work supposedly. My own mother, a brilliant painter, always had a paintbrush in one hand and a wine glass in the other.
Accepting that all of that would be gone was tough. Acknowledging that I just couldn’t seem to drink like other people was even tougher. Asking for help was scary. Looking down the barrel at a life without a drink was daunting and terrifying. Being stripped of part of my identity, feeling othered and different, and experiencing the fear of how people would react and how my life would change all seemed insurmountable.
But. Once I made the decision for myself and no one else - once I just committed - it was uphill. NOT EASY - but simple. Simply never drinking turned out to be infinitely easier than the constant attempts to moderate, cut back, count my drinks, calculate and compromise with myself, and deal with hangovers. Life, in general, got a lot easier pretty quickly.
First things first. YOU DO NOT NEED to have a drinking problem to give up alcohol. Period. Drinking isn’t the problem. It’s the ineffective solution. The real question to start with is: IS ALCOHOL SERVING ME? Is it actively improving, benefitting or contributing to my life in a positive way? How?
Questions I urge you to examine instead of “Do I have a problem?”
WHY am I drinking? Is it to celebrate or enjoy? ….Or is it to numb? To avoid? To feel more comfortable or confident in social situations?
-Essentially, Am I using alcohol to push myself to behave in a way that is counter-intuitive to my truest self?Is my mind preoccupied with booze? Can I not wait until my next drink? Am I looking around the table to see where everyone else is in their drinks, or am I consistently the first person to order the next round? Am I the “party friend?”
Does the thought of socializing without alcohol make me uneasy? Why do I think this is?
-Am I potentially forcing myself to attend events I’d rather skip or stay longer at than I want to? Am I using alcohol as a way to numb the inner voices telling me I’m not charming enough or I need to fit in? Am I ignoring fears, insecurities, or people-pleasing tendencies I might have by drowning them out?Is drinking getting in the way of other things I want in my life?
This could mean canceling workouts, not eating well because of a hangover, or changing plans with friends because of how you’re feeling.
-Do I feel blocked in any way? Or like some invisible force field is pushing back at me, standing in the way between who I am and who I want to be?How is drinking affecting my physical health?
-How are my sleeping, eating and exercise habits? Can I find a direct link to alcohol in any of the areas where I want to improve? How does my body feel after I drink my “normal” amount?How is drinking affecting my mental health?
-Do I often feel anxiety before or after a night of drinking? Do I struggle with any shame or regret?HOW WOULD MY LIFE CHANGE OR IMPROVE WITHOUT ALCOHOL IN IT?
Look into gray-area drinking. This is not a black-and-white issue.
Most people who have a “drinking problem” are using alcohol as a placeholder or bandaid for something else. Getting to the bottom of this and identifying your root cause is the best way to move forward in assessing your habits. Find your WHY, and you’ll begin to find your way out.
A craving only lasts about twenty minutes, so focus on that. It’s incredibly easy to kill twenty minutes, and it’s important to think about it like that - a wave that will pass soon.
PLAY THE TAPE FORWARD
Playing the tape forward is a common visualization technique to help cope with urges or cravings.
Visualize yourself HAVING the drink and everything that would follow: More drinks, money spent, greasy food, a hangover the next morning, and so on. Then visualize yourself SKIPPING the drink and everything that follows. Driving yourself home, washing your face, waking up tomorrow happy and hangover and shame-free. Picture yourself the next morning and how it would feel. Some things I do when a craving hits…
If I’m at home:
Journal
Bake cookies from scratch
Take a long shower with music playing
Do something with my hands to keep busy: dishes, bullet journaling, crafts, chores
Call a friend or relative
Meditate
Revisit recovery/quit lit books and passages
Play a game on my phone
Use Reframe App (great tool for those finding their footing! Their IG is good too)
Go for a walk or do a yoga flow (on my own or with a YouTube video)
Grab a non-alcoholic drink
Look at some sober Instas (faves: Creative Sobriety, Your Sober Pal Sober Otter)
Stream of consciousness, write out every single reason I do NOT want to be drinking anymore
Do some skincare: Face mask, NuFace, cleansing, eyebrows, a pedicure
Go out and buy myself some flowers from Trader Joes
Remember my WHY
If I’m out/at a party/in a situation where others are drinking:
Step outside and get some fresh air
Make sure I’ve got a fun AF drink in my hand
Talk to my husband or a close friend at the event who I feel comfortable telling I’m struggling
Eat something (for me, it’s usually something sweet to help the sugar craving)
Go do breathing exercises outside or in the bathroom (I’ve legit meditated on the curb outside a restaurant)
LEAVE. This is something that I never felt empowered to do before, but now I NEVER stay places longer than I want to
There’s always diet coke, ginger beer, coffee or tea, or soda water with lime. But here are some of my other, more festive, favorite things to drink:
My fave Sparkling Alternatives are Töst, Three Spirit Spark, Non, and Oddbird.
Non-alcoholic beer has some GREAT options now. My faves: Athletic and Best Day Brewing
NA mocktails or adaptogenic mocktails. My faves: Ghia, De Soi, St. Agrestis
*NOTE: There are a lot of NA wine options out there, but they don’t work for me. They’re a bit too triggering and acidic and I just feel like it hasn’t been quite cracked yet. There are ALSO decent spirits alternatives but I was never really an at-home cocktail person.
Boisson is an online soft bottle shop that has a ton of options to check out!
Whatever. You. Want.
You don’t owe anyone an explanation or anything else.
If offered an alcoholic drink, I usually simply say, “I’m good, thanks” (or more often, “Actually, do you have Diet Coke?”). The percentage at which people press me from there is extremely small, and if asked about it, I simply say I don’t drink. Period. The reactions to this sentence are not as scary or weird or judgemental as you think they’ll be. I promise.
That being said - figure out whatever sound bytes work for you. But have it ready so you don’t get flustered or anxious. (And reminder: you don’t need reasons to not drink, and you don’t need to explain yourself to anyone else. You’re making this decision for yourself, not others.)
Since my journey has been entirely self-motivated (without the program/AA), I have found guidance, solace, motivation, inspiration, and affinity from the ever-growing “Quit Lit” section of the bookstore.
My top recs:
This Naked Mind by Annie Grace
The Unexpected Joy of Being Sober by Catherine Gray
Quit Like a Woman by Holly Whittaker
Drinking Games by Sarah Levy
Nothing Good can Come from This by Kristi Coulter
Not Drinking Tonight by Amanda E. White
There are also lots of wonderfully helpful podcasts and episodes worth checking out!
*NOTE: I DO have an amazing therapist who has been extremely instrumental in my journey, and highly recommend talking to one.
The biggest surprise about living an alcohol-free life? I have MORE FUN now than I did before and I am MORE creative.
Yes, you read that correctly - I have MORE FUN without alcohol than I ever did with it. I’m the first and last person on the dance floor at weddings. I bound out of bed in the mornings, excited for each new day. My creativity has flourished, and I have thrown myself into many projects, from photography classes to floral installations to writing this newsletter.
Because I’m not shoving down my feelings and trying to be a people pleaser by numbing out, I only participate in activities I enjoy and want to be at (and only spend time with people I actively want to be around.) I have more meaningful conversations that I actually remember. I’m more present for the people in my life so my relationships have deepened and grown. I do a wider variety of activities and have tried so many new things. My mental and physical health have both improved so dramatically that I’m just happier being myself, in my own body, and left with my own thoughts.
The process felt like shedding a skin: raw and scary at first, but now I’m growing into who I truly want to be. I’m able to be the best version of myself so much more, to draw boundaries, follow my curiosity, and be truly in tune with who I am. I laugh more, I create more, I like myself more. It has challenges, but overall I have found the joy I knew I was capable of and I’m so excited to keep going.
Do you have any questions regarding this journey? Or any non-alcoholic recommendations our community should know about? Let me know!
👏👏👏
Superb heartfelt guidance and support ✨️